Audrey

So I watched the documentary show on HBO Go recently, titled "Audrey".

I was looking for something to watch when baby girl is finally napping (on her own!), and I managed to convince Rafiy to play his long-abandoned recently-discovered after a grueling affair of spring-cleaning toys, while I took comfort in the sofa, with baby girl on her Nuna beside me.

Then, Audrey was on the "New" section of HBO Go. It has the same picture as the autobiography book cover, I realize, the book I so enjoyed a few years ago when I first discovered it. 

I've always loved Audrey Hepburn, it's no secret if you've read the archive. I grew up in her shadow in terms of Breakfast At Tiffany's posters, her picture calendars, her autobiographies, and just books about her - I'd find and buy all of them whenever I had the chance (or money). My 20-year old me was obsessed with her movies. I think she's perfect in every single way.

So when I watched this documentary, it brought back all those feelings. Those teenage years I spent away from home. It made me realize just how far away my 20s has gone - from the 30s me, in the present day.

It's an overwhelming feeling. Here I am, 34 years old, somehow still obsessing over Audrey Hepburn, or the idea of her. Here I am, married and with 3 kids - still have the same feelings I had a decade ago.

Is that a good thing? Honestly, I'm not sure. But all I can say is that evening I spent at home watching documentary, felt great. Not so great knowing the life my idol had which was so different from what I had in mind, but great that I get to relive those memories of my favorite movies, my favorite looks of her, and the vivid pictures of her I knew by heart.

Some things just never changed.